Story of a bad day

I had - bar none - one of the most stressful days EVER, with Bug and Bean on Saturday.

It was really the morning the stress actually occured, but it took me all day to get over it. It was an awful morning which resulted in me yelling about all their disobedience in the car on the way home from McD’s. Most of which they deserved, but not all. No, definitely not all.

Here is where it all began. It started with Bug’s first-ever time to do gymnastics. He had been begging to do gymnastics for months, and I finally relented and signed him up for a free trial. I had to take Bean too, because Firedaddy was on shift for the fire department, which means that even though he is a volunteer he must be able to drop whatever he is doing on a moment’s notice and respond to a call. So, he cannot be alone with the kids. Yay.

And so, of course, that was challenging because Bean was bored, wanted to be doing gymnastics TOO (he isn’t old enough yet, the cutoff is 3), and basically drove me crazy for an hour. I think we visited the bathroom 4 times. Just for “fun”, with the exception of one time.

Next, because we were all famished after that adventure, we headed to McD’s for a “treat” (ever since seeing ‘Super Size Me’ it is a rare treat, believe me). But the McD’s I chose, since we were in a neighboring town and I hadn’t been in this one for years, turned out not to have a play land anymore, since remodeling. So, I got to drag two whining (and kicking, in Bean’s case) kids out again to find the next one, which I AM familiar with. Bean was just COVINCED, you see, that there must be a hidden play land in that one SOMEWHERE.

But, first, I made a fatal decision. We needed to stop at a shoe store to get some sandals I had special ordered for Bug. And I needed him with me, to try two different sizes on and get the best one, so I had had planned on doing this errand. However, this was supposed to be the LAST thing we did, after eating.

Since we had to go to the other McD’s, however, it would have meant back-tracking. I should have stuck to the plan... I know better. And even once we got out of the car and walked into the store, I should have known what a fatal err in judgement it was, and walked right back out again. The store was absolutely crazy-busy. But no. I was on a mission, just get this ONE last errand done, then lunch, then home for naps.

Once I finally got somebody to get the two pairs of shoes being held, we found a spot to sit down and try them on. But people, I don’t think I can describe how stressful just getting to this point was. For one thing, I lost Bean for like 2 minutes… but it was a SCARY two minutes. He had been trying to leave the store out the back door when I caught him.

FINALLY, the size was decided upon, and we went to the front register to return the other pair, and have them confirm that I had pre-paid for them when I ordered them. So simple, no?

No. And whilst we waited for eternity…harried shoe salespeople kept coming up to the register with their customers they’d been helping to finalize the deals… and we were ignored. Not even a nod and a “I’ll be right with you”. No acknowledgement at all, just flat out ignored. Well, MOSTLY ignored. We got some nasty looks a few times too, since Bug and Bean decided to duke it out over some silly little stuffed birds in a display near the register.

And I decided not to break their scuffle up and lose my place in line. It was a pretty innocent scuffle, you see, and if these people knew the extent to which my two boys can REALLY fight, they would have known it. I barked a few reprimands from line, but I didn’t remove myself from line to physically tear them apart. It would have lengthened our stay because I’d already left the line once to drag Bean back near me, and nobody offered me my spot back again either, they just moved forward and ignored me. Again.

Then, finally, came the straw which broke my back. Two heavily made-up and fancily dressed ladies in their early fifties, who had been at the register FOREVER, joking and flirting with their gay shoe salesman (please know that this is not intended to be prejudiced against him, just stating a fact… and you KNOW how some women are all flirty with gay guys), made some biting comments.

Really, I mean, they just cut to the bone. Their salesman had said something about them owing him their firstborn (not sure why, but he did say something to that effect), and one of the ladies, who had just been told her total was $250 (!!), joked that she didn’t have kids, only dogs, but that he would be better off with a dog anyway. And the jokes went on about how much better dogs were than kids for a little while. All the while, glancing over at my kids from time to time.

Then, when Bug and Bean’s little fight hit the crescendo, and Bean decided to whack his toy truck on the floor in frustration (breaking it, we later discovered), the one who hadn’t received her total yet for her stack of shoes said to the salesman “Oh, you don’t even want to KNOW what she’s thinking right now”, nodding to her friend, the big spender. And then cutting her glance over to my kids.

Now, I admit, I didn’t hear every bit of their conversation, but I heard enough to know that I wasn’t misinterpreting this. In fact, I think they were going out of their way to make sure I knew. And people? It hurt. It really did. I don’t know why, because clearly these women were insensitive, clueless, and cruel… and obviously had never walked in mine - or any other parent’s - shoes for that matter. I should KNOW not to take things like that personally.

And- in my defense - I didn’t think my kids were not being THAT bad, or I would have done something about it. It’s just that – and all parents know this – you pick your battles. This one just wasn’t worth it, and I was already so frustrated because nobody would help or acknowledge me, not even say something like “I’ll be right with you”. I guess a part of me felt that they all deserved to hear the ongoing result of their rudeness.

I was so mortified that I just walked up to the counter in front of people, shoved the unwanted shoe box to a busy salesgirl, and said we'd already paid for the pair we were taking. She said OK (which sort of surprised me... I guess I don't even want to know the look which must have been on my face), I turned on my heel, and out we went.

McD’s was OK, but I kept thinking about what I WISHED I’d said to those biddies. And getting the kids to leave was almost impossible, truly only successful after an all out tantrum by Bug. Plus, they kept disappearing in the play land equipment, totally disappearing from sight for long periods of time. The place was PACKED, so I felt like I needed to know where both of them were at all times. It was just scary, stressful, and my nerves were already shot.

So, the trip home was not pleasant, for any of us. And if I’m really honest about it, I guess that Bug and Bean were reprimanded much more than they deserved, because of how those women and their salesman made me feel.

I have a bit of baggage too, I suppose. I’ve read about restaurants and other places no longer allowing kids because of their behavior nowadays. And, when interviewed, the restaurant/store owners pin the blame on parents, saying they let their kids get away with anything and make the experience unpleasant for other patrons. And my wubbies – I am not talking about ritzy restaurants here - these are place it would seem natural to bring kids to. I’ve also read Op Ed’s in the newspaper from time to time, where people blast parents for not disciplining their kids enough, and basically allowing them to run wild.

This stuff makes me crazy. I suppose I’ve seen SOME of that, but my experience is that it’s rare. Most parents are trying their best, but kids will be kids. And kids are just NOT perfect, much as older generations and/or childless people seem to like to believe they ought to be.

As a parent, I get frustrated because I just don’t know what it is these people expect. We set boundaries, we discipline when needed, but in the end, nothing with young children is perfect. They should just watch a few episodes of Supernanny, and maybe then they’d be more sympathetic.

That's really the crux of it too, for me - sympathy. It is the response I usually get, so I guess that is why the shoe store experience took me so much by surprise. I remember once being in the grocery store with the kids, and they were being horrible. I should have just left, but I only had like 3 things, and we really needed them. Firedaddy was out of town, so I couldn’t go later for them, either. So, we stood in line and some lady must have SEEN the stress on my face, because she gave me a supportive smile and offered her own place in line closer up. This is what I usually get from people when my kids are not being perfect, and I deeply appreciate it.

That’s what parents need, don’t you think? Support, empathy (or at the very least sympathy), understanding, a little bit of kindness – even from complete strangers. And when we are served up the exact opposite, well yeah… it can sometimes hurt and ruin an otherwise salvageable day.