Two is enough, usually
I am incredibly blessed to have two children. Especially considering that children were not in Firedaddy’s and my master plan when we got married, and became reality after my own maternal longing set in (around the age of thirty)... and then after Firedaddy finally signed on (a few years later).
So, now I (we) are blessed with two healthy, happy little boys who we love with all our hearts. I am also fully stretched, physically and emotionally, with the many challenges having young children brings. My cup spilleth over… in so many ways.
So why is it then, that even while my practical and RATIONAL side says I am content - that we have all we can possibly handle, financially, physically, and emotionally – that my unreasonable greedy heart cries out for more?
How can I know in my head that from every practical and REAL aspect that, for us, two children is perfect... but in my heart every time I see a pregnant woman or a newborn baby, I am wistful and even a tiny bit jealous?
I realize this might sound really insensitive to somebody who desperately wants to have a child, and for whatever reason can't. Please forgive me, if it does. Truly, I DO know how lucky I am, and I remind myself daily not to forget it.
So...don’t get me wrong (and PLEASE don’t have a hernia, honey) – I am not planning to have any more children. Nor could I, unless a certain doctor that Firedaddy went to see didn’t do his job right.
When I consider all things practical and financial – it would not make any sense whatsoever for us to have another child. Not to mention the fact that FD doesn’t want any more. So we won't. And on all reasonable levels I am absolutely fine with that. A tiny little piece of my heart isn't, but I can deal with that.
I DO wonder sometimes... if I had 4 children already, would I still feel this way? What about 5? Or 6? My own physician has 4 grown kids, and told me she feels the same way, even now that they are all much older.
It's so strange. It's like this maternal longing deep down inside so many of us - once kindled - seems to never completely die. Is it our way of keeping that longing alive for when we become grandparents?
Peace. Holly. Written on Wednesday, November 09, 2005
19 Comments:
It may sound crazy coming from me, but, if I had known that I was going to stay home with Dyl this past year, I wouldn't have had the tubes tied quite so soon. I had the surgery after he was 6 weeks old. Now granted, I have this s-s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d out family, but it would have been great for Dyl to have a brother or sister after I get old. They would have each other at least.
I would love to have another child, but I realize I might not get to do so, at least not biologically. My son may have a foreign-born sibling someday, though. Ah, that maternal urge is a strong one... :-)
It is for this reason that I had my tubal after my last C-section. My husband and I are both horrible about giving into the longing--that's how we ended up with three so close together.
If I hadn't made sure of it I'd be pregnant now. Scarey.
I have the same longing periodically; to throw some cold water on that baby fantasizing I think about all the sleepless nights and about the financial strains. It helps for a while!
Do you have our house bugged or something? Sure sounds like you've been eavesdropping. Amy says that I'm afraid to drop out of man-on-man coverage with just two kids and go into a zone defense with three.
LOL Mayberry! No, I don't have your house bugged, it just proves my point that after a certain period of time, the longing DOES set in for many people! I think if you are not dead-set against it, you should go for it.
Mommy Abroad, I wish I could just 'go for it' like you did. But Firedaddy is totally not on board with having more kids, so alas, it will never happen. I may lament it, but it is actually not within my control, because I believe both parents need to be signed on for a decision like that. And it's not gonna happen. sigh.
Beck, I think foreign adoption sounds like a great plan! I hope you do pursue that...
Sleeping Mommy and Suzanne - LOL - you totally get what I am going through here... like you SM my hub took care of things. And like you Suzanne, I try to focus on the hard parts to make myself realize that sticking with 2 has many upsides as well.
Juryizout - you can always get that procedure reversed, can't you? I mean, if your Hub was hip to it, which it sounds like he might be? I know, though - it is always more complicated to make a decision to try to have a child or not than it appears on the surface.
we have triplet boys and they are now 7...they are all we want...we also would not trade them for anything....
I have a friend who I think got the reason, at least for me. After her second, and when they were getting ready for her husband to go do the deed that would prevent a third, she said, "You know, I know this is all we can handle, I'm happy with two, I don't really *want* a bigger family, but at the same time I'm really sad. This marks the end of my child-bearing years. That part of my life will never come again. I'm one step closer to the end."
So, on that happy thought...
Holly, I could have written this post. In fact, I have had my own version swirling around in my head for months now but just haven't managed to get it down on paper, proably because, like you, I don't really understand it. (YOur first paragraph I would write the same, verbatim) My husband hasn't been snipped yet but he definitely doesn't want anymore.
Maybe it's like what PK said--we just don't want to be that much closer to the end. Ugh.
Holly,
Possibly, we could. But I think I'm in the first stages of the big M, so even if I did, I'm not really sure I could.
But like another commentor said, there's adoption. And we actually thought we were going to have to go that route because I was 39 when we married. But, six months after the wedding, SURPRISE! And what an awesome one it was!
Hello, Michele sent me.
I don't long for another child very often, but at the same time I do wish that mine had a sibling. My sisters are so important to me and I'm sad that he will never have that sibling bond.
Unless his daddy has another one, anyway.
I have 2 sons...and it's worked out great. I always thought 2 kids equals my two arms was a metaphor for what I could handle. My mother had 9 and was always worn out saying :"I only have two hands!"
I hope to get some grand"girls" out of the deal at some point!
My wife wanted a second child off and on for awhile, but when our son hit middle school she decided that ship had sailed. We're not going to start over this late in the game.
I would have 2,000 Nate Nate puppies if I could.. but that would be - insane. And I would be.. insane. I would like to have another child if it was under the right circumstances.. I think longing is just your feelings. And that's that. Some people are just baby people - know what I mean?
Funny, you gave a disclaimer to Firedaddy.. LOL!!!
There's something to be said for starting the whole family thing when you're younger... myself, I'd love a house full. Unfortunately, I was 38 when I had my son... now I'm 40, and my hubby is turning 48. He's feeling like he's too old for all this... I definitely relate to your "pangs." As one of my friends said after a 2nd or 3rd child "it's like there's more love in the house..." Who doesn't want a house full of love?! & when you have so much to give, it seems like there's always room/time for one more...
wow. you must really be a nurturing soul. i have a friend who after one kid swears she'll never have another. your kids are really lucky to have you. :)
michele sent me today.
I only have one so far...and the talks of a second are starting...but I am not sure if I *really* want another one or if I am just thinking blissfully about newborns and forgetting how hellish those first few months (and pregnancy) was for me the first time around.
I am pretty sure I'm going to try to three, as you know.
I have a feeling it will just make me feel older faster, rather than keeping me farther from death.
We shall see.
You only have two hands... ;0)
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