I am OK
..but not fully back in the saddle yet.
I am struggling with grief... but not constantly. And not in the way I expected. I think mostly I am sad and don't even always realize it. Like, I'll be short with one or both of the kids, and then ask myself "why?", and realize it is because I'd really like some quiet time (a rare commodity).
And I dream about my mom often, which isn't something I did before she died.
One of the biggest problems I have is that I can't seem to stick with anything, I'm dabbling a lot. Which isn't like me at all. That includes blogging, which ~ for all it's therapeutic value to me any other time ~ just hasn't been something I've felt like doing.
Please don't give up on me, though. I will be back, blogging is important to me in ways I can't even describe. My social outlet, reality check, comic relief, source of all important information, and of course... support.
Thank you ~ all of you ~ for all your supportive words. They really do mean a lot to me, even if we've never met (as in many cases we haven't). Because, you see, we've formed virtual relationships, so as far as I'm concerned, your words are the words of true friends.
And now, I leave you with some words from Bug and Bean, who keep me grounded through all of this.
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SCENE: the car on the way to preschool one morning last week
~ Bean yawns a big long yawn~
Mommy: "Wow, that was a BIG yawn!"
Bean: "No, NOT a big yawn."
Mommy: "OK, a big sigh?"
Bean: "No, NOT a big sigh."
Mommy: "What was it then?"
Bean: "It was a big TIRED. "
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Bug: “Mommy, I’m going to be really busy when I grow up. ‘Cause I’m gonna have a lot of jobs. I’m going to be a zoo keeper, a policeman, an animal doctor, a teacher, a farmer, a bug guy, a scientist, AND a fireman."
Mommy: "Wow, you are going to be busy. When will you have time to visit me?"
Bug: "I dunno. I’m not going to have a lot of time to see my kids either".
I'm thinking he's going to have a hard time finding someone to have those kids WITH, what with all those jobs.
Peace. Holly. Written on Saturday, June 17, 2006
11 Comments:
Awww. They're so sweet, Holly!
I haven't experienced what you're going through, but have had similar responses dealing with very difficult situations.
I don't know what to say that wouldn't sound trite...
I'm so sorry your Mom is gone. Thinking of you lots, and still sending virtual hugs to you, Holly. We'll be around! Take all the time you need.
Hey, thanks for letting us know you're doing..okay. I have been praying for you since I heard. Sounds like you are on track. Grief does take a while, unfortunately. And like I've said: we're not going anywhere!
Bug and Bean are the greatest! They are really smart, beautiful little boys.
**hugs to you***
Beth
Glad you're getting back to us. I missed you :)
You are in my thoughts often. You do not need to apologize for taking time you need! Virtual hugs coming your way...
Me give up on you?
Never!
Give a hug to those boys and tell them to give you one or two from me.
Hey Sweets, when can I bring over the Margs?
xo
L
Keep on grovin' on the kids. Somehow I heard many stories that kids will bring you thru some tough times.
Sorry to hear about your mom. You sound like a stong person.
Just give the kids a hug each time you think of her.
Hey PK... you can bring over Marg's ANY old time! I never turn 'em down.
Glad you're back, Holly. Don't feel like you have to be entertaining. Your dreams sound like they could be a good thing, unless they make you uncomfortable. I suspect the inability to focus will last for a while, and that's okay. Thank goodness for kids to keep doing the day-to-day stuff. Take all the time you need, sweetie. *hug*
Sorry I haven't been by in a while. I did read about your mother earlier while skimming through the blog roll, didn't have time to leave a heartfelt, "I'm so sorry". Now that I have time, just want to say that I am sorry for your loss. It must have been so hard. I just lost my grandmother in March and still find it hard to cope some days. You take your time coming back. We aren't going anywhere. Take care!
No, don't worry, we'll be here whenever you want to resume blogging. Thinking of you!
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