Birth Order

I have a friend who mentioned the other day that her 4 year old was still having potty training accidents at night. He is her second child. And just like my oldest son, her older son was night trained much faster and much easier. Child number 2 seems to be bringing her back to potty-training reality. And I fear I may be seeing my future.

Now, new parents may operate under the delusion that fast potty trainers are the result of their excellent parenting skills. I know I did. In fact, I was darn right proud of the fact that Bug was fully daytime trained and in regular underwear by 2 ½ and fully nighttime trained in underwear (with very rare accidents) by 3.

But I’ve learned so many other lessons in how different siblings can be even under the same guidance and techniques by their parents, that I am no longer operating under this delusion.

For example. When Bean was born, I thought he was just the easiest baby. We started breast feeding effortlessly right away, with no latching issues. He rarely cried (as long as you don’t count the nightly hour-long “witching hour”). He wasn’t as gassy as Bug was as a baby (and the gas issue was hard). He went to sleep on his own at a much earlier age. He was just easy.

But then he turned one. And everything changed. And no. I am NOT exaggerating. It really was practically overnight.

Looking back, it is clear that his carefree babyhood was due to mine and Firedude’s ease and comfort in our roles as parents. We were Newbies with Bug, he sensed our nervousness and uncertainty. But with Bean, there was no TIME for nervousness, and besides… we had completed infant/baby 101 with passing grades! We were comfortable in our parenting shoes and he reaped the benefits. We were pro's!

But. Once Bean came into his own, and realized his own autonomy, well then his REAL (spitfire) personality came out. He has a temper! He screams louder! He is ferocious!

Now, I realize that all children are different, and OF COURSE siblings are going to have different personalities. I never expected (nor wanted) Bean to be a clone of Bug. And I don’t consider either one to be better than the other, they do each have different challenges, mostly based on their age appropriate behavior. I love them both and I am fine with the fact that Bug tends to be easy going while Bean has a mind of his own that goes far beyond the typical 2-year old attitude. Easy or hard, I wouldn't change either one of them. And of course, even with his basic easygoing personality, even Bug challenges me. Like his non-stop talking, for example? But I digress....

In talking with other parents, and observing the behavior of various children based on birth order, I have come to the conclusion that IN GENERAL, second children are just HARDER and more WILLFUL than first children (not counting the early months). Yes, yes. I know I am not the first to come to this conclusion, this is truly nothing earth shattering. But before, I chalked it down to stereotyping and basically dismissed such beliefs. Whereas now, I think there just might be something to it.

Now, if you only have one child, and you think they are already a handful – don’t take this to mean you should re-think having another one. Because of course I have also seen exceptions – difficult first children, and the reward of easygoing second children for those parents daring enough to press on. So if you want more than one child, but currently have a difficult first child… I say press on! You will probably be rewarded.

But, I still maintain that in general, firsts are easy. And seconds are spitfires. Since I don’t have any more than 2, I have no idea after that.

So my question to you other bloggers with children (young or grown) is… WHAT IS YOUR TAKE ON THIS? IS THERE SOME SORT OF THEME TO TEMPERAMENTS AND BIRTH ORDER?

OR DO YOU BELIEVE IT IS PURELY PERSONALITY DRIVEN, AND MY OBSERVATIONS ARE PURELY COINCIDENCE?