I am not dead

Hellllooooooooooo....

Is anybody still there? I totally don't blame you if you wrote me off.

Thank you if you didn't, though. Here's some of what I've been up to.

First, San Diego. Which can be summed up as the good, the bad and the ugly.

The beach? That was really, really, really GOOD. We should have just spent more time there. I wish I was like Amy, able to head out to the beach whenever we wanted to. (Damn you Amy, and your beach posts).

Bug enjoyed boogie boarding and Bean enjoyed the sand. I enjoyed watching them and jumping the waves with them. And the people watching, especially walking on the boardwalk. FD liked the beach too. Bean burned the bottom of his feet in the sand though, so the first half of the day at Seaworld he spent hobbling around and demanding to be carried. Fun.


Bug, boogie boarding
The Bean, digging
Bug, ready to hit the waves

Bean, during a time out (ha ha!)

Me and the boys, during one of our wave jumping sessions

Bug, Holly, FD, and Bean after dinner, on the boardwalk



Sea World? That was the BAD. It was only good when we try to block out the memories of the sweltering heat and kids either
a. Running off and getting lost and scaring the crap out of us...or
b. Whining and throwing themselves to the ground

I think where we went wrong was in building up their anticipation several weeks in advance. Because they (especially Bug) turned that anticipation into certain expectations which, when things didn’t happen exactly as they envisioned, exploded into tantrums. For example, Bug and I talked about wanting to sit in the Soak Zone for the Shamu show. However, what he didn’t anticipate was a 45 minute wait (you have to arrive early to sit there) and then when we only got soaked ONCE it was all the poor guy could take, since he anticipated being soaked over and over again, apparently. Plus, I think they were exhausted with just the excitement of everything.



Bean and a dolphin friend
>
Bug and a dolphin friend
>
Bean waiting for the Shamu show - ouch the sun!
>
Bug, totally entranced by a mime

Don't let the pictures fool you, by the way. It wasn't all sugar and spice and everything nice, no matter how cute the pictures look. 20 years from now, I'll have myself convinced, and therefore everyone else as well, that it was great. But for now, we all know the truth. The kids still think it was all fun though, that's all that matters.

And Legoland? That would be the UGLY. Yeesh, that was just pure disaster. Hotter than HELL, long lines for EVERYTHING, and yet more anticipation and excited exhaustion. And did I mention tantrums? And physically removing children from large water play areas? Yeah. Nice.

Bug and Bean's pose sort of says it all, doesn't it?


On the last day we went to Seaport Village and met up with Beth and her kiddo, and that was lots of fun. Wish we could have hung out longer.

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My 20 year High School Reunion was just this past weekend. And it was really, really disappointing, because only about 75 people (plus about half of them brought spouses) out of a graduating class of over 300 people attended. I went with a group of 5 friends from high school, 2 of whom I’ve been getting together with regularly the past 6 years, 2 who’ve been in touch intermittently, and 1 who I hadn’t seen since we graduated. And only she brought her spouse, who turned out to be a lot of fun. We got a limo Friday night and met up early. So, that part was fun, in fact it was just fun, fun, fun all the way till 3:00 am. At which time I was stupid enough to drive home.

Why stupid, you say? Well, I was pretty much sober by then... so that wasn't so much the issue. It was at 7 am when the kids woke up that the nightmare started. Saturday sucked rotten eggs, on 4 hours of sleep and a major hangover. The hangover lasted all day long, and amazingly seemed to get worse as the day progressed. And of course...hangovers and young kids don't mix... even FD didn't feel all that sorry for me either. I should have just stayed at one of my friend's house with everyone else, and layed around all day long, like they did.

And then the Saturday night event was even worse, I left by 9 pm. Saturday night was just a complete f-ing waste of my time.

So, PK’s experience of all the clicks going away? That was not at all my experience. I don’t think it was snobbishness, just the fact that people hanging out in different groups THEN don't really know each other, and therefore had no reason to mingle NOW. Unfortunately for me, having been new to my school my sophomore year… I only ran into a handful of people I was comfortable talking to, and really had a few good conversations (up until I was no longer sober, anyway).

My friends, on the other hand, knew people all the way back to elementary and junior high school, so they seemed to know so many more people at the reunion than I did. Which was sort of depressing; because it burst my bubble in a way. I suppose that is because I am a pretty social person at my core, and I always hated being “new” and not knowing very many people... and I think it just stirred up all my old adolescent feelings of insecurity. I'll get over it soon enough, I'm sure.

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And finally. Blogging seems to have lost its joy for me.

I haven’t completely given up though. I am trying to find my voice again, and trying to find a way to keep up with reading, as well. I think where the whole thing went south for me, was that it all got to be too much, just so overwhelming. I felt a responsibility to read every little thing and comment and to just KEEP UP. Which is impossible, really.

Any suggestions from blogging veterans who have been in this place?

And so… I don’t know how soon my next post will be. I don’t want to post just to be putting stuff out here, I want it to be interesting... or at the very least, not suck.

But I will be trying to formulate a way to visit all of you on a regular schedule that works for me AND makes me excited to turn my pc on at night again.

xoxo