It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Today is my birthday, and I'm feeling pretty low. FD is out of town on business. Again. Bean came home out of sorts after skipping nap at preschool. So both kids went to bed early, because they were complete ogres. I've been battling stress headaches lately. And I've never had problems with headaches, but somehow I know this must be stress.
And, even though FD did a wonderful celebration Sunday before he left with the kids complete with banana cream pie... and even though countless friends and relatives including FD have called or emailed to wish me a happy birthday today... I think I am mostly feeling low because I miss my mom.
I am also feeling sorry for myself over my dad forgetting about my birthday. I know he is a guy. And that he depended on mom to handle birthdays and crap like that. And I know he is struggling since the death of mom, I really do. He needs to be comforted and taken care of, but there is nobody close by him to do that. Besides, he is just such a hard person to comfort, he of the quiet, tough, closed-off veneer. I try, I call at least weekly, but he mostly keeps our conversations short and on the topic of what he's been doing, how my sister is doing. Small talk.
He is off camping right now, and even though our birthdays are only separated by one day and even though I called him Monday on his birthday, he forgot about mine. And it's really stupid to be hurt over something like that. But I am. So there you go. I am. And I miss mom. And FD.
I'm off to complete my pity party with a glass of wine, and then off to bed.
That is all. Thanks for listening.
Peace. Holly. Written on Wednesday, August 23, 2006
12 Comments:
Oh, Holly. That is sucky. I hope the glass of wine was extremely kind and gentle to you, because you sound like you need a big hug. I'm sorry about your mom, and your dad.
Happy Birthday!
Oh, shit, Hols. I didn't wish you a happy one, either, and how much can I possibly suck? A lot is how much.
I'm sorry sweetie. You wanna catch a coffee tomorrow, on me?
xo
PK
Happy Birthday, Holly! I'm sorry you are sad. I get sad on birthdays, too.
Hug.
Happy belated birthday. I'm so sorry you didn't have a good birthday :( I hope you are feeling better today. {{{hugs}}}
That stinks. Happy belated birthday, Holly!! You are entitled to feel sad and angry! I would too if I were in your shoes.
I hope you enjoyed the peace & quiet with your glass of wine...
I'm a birthday person. I love birthdays. I get really bent out of shape when people who are important to me don't really make much hoopla about my day. So, I hear ya. And Happy Birthday for goodness sake. Many, many more to come...
A Birthday Poem for you...
There once was a girl named Holly,
who was a great blogger, by golly,
We celebrate her day and commemorate this way,
By singing Happy Birthday very jolly!
Okay, it gives new meaning to the word reeeeeekkkkkked. But I tried.
Holly, Hunnybunny forgot my birthday this year. And we did celebrate before, but he didn't say anything on the day. Neither did my kids. (of course, the Legal Adult has never known when my birthday is.) But my mom used to call me at 7:00 AM every birthday (that's the time I was born) and tell me my birth story. And I miss her too.
Feelin' ya more than you know,
Beth
Oh Holly - I'm so sorry.. I'm sure this was a really hard birthday, being the first one without your mother. that makes me really sorry for you. I actually feel guilty I haven't been on here reading your blog. All the crap in my world is coming to a head (I don't know if I've ever sent you the link to my behind the scenes blog).
To feel too bad about your dad.. I forget everyone's birthday in my family - including my own. Everyone gets mad at me but I'm so bad with dates. I don't know why. I try - and my mom and my sister are only three days apart.. and still I'll sometimes remember one and not the other, which will upset whoever I've forgotten.
You're right - your dad is probably used to your mom helping him with these things. Just know your mom is looking down on you and she sent you birthday wishes.. and she certainly wouldn't want you to be sad.
I'm sorry FD is out of town when you're feeling so low.
Hugs to you, my friend.
Big hugs and happy belated birthday!
I've been where you are and my heart goes out to you.
Holly! I'm behind on my blog reads, so I'm sending you belated happy birthday wishes! I'm sorry you were feeling low. Although your circumstances are different, I've been in that kind of situation, and as much as I tried to rationalize, I was still very sad and bothered. Nonetheless, I can only imagine how you must feel. I wish there was something I could do (or could have done, had I seen your post last week). At the very least, here's a retroactive hug: *retroactive hug* :) I hope you're feeling a bit better by now. *bonus hug*
I would be crushed too woman, even though my pops NEVER remembers and won't this year either.
FD will make up for it though, he seems like the type.
Cry away, it'll relieve the stress and leave the head mellow.
It's ok to feel everything you feel. Yeah, fathers are guys and guys are known for an occasional lack of social grace. (Understatement!)
This too shall pass... :^D
BIG hugs and happy belated B/day, Holly,
Toby
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